you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Randomize
