another moral hangover. fuck.
Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
Randomize
