"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
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