the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
Randomize
