your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
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