If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
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