just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
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