smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
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