I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
If no ones going to say it, then I will. Vanessa Hudgens boobs are weird looking
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
Randomize
