Dual....:-)
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Randomize
