I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
Randomize
