So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
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