Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
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