Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
Randomize
