I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
