I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
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