please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
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