im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Randomize
