Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
