wake up i wanna do it froggy style
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
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