Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
