I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
Randomize
