Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
Randomize
