I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
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