Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Randomize
