he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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