I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
Randomize
