It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
Randomize
