i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
Randomize
