i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
Randomize
