He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
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