I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
Randomize
