Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
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