My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
Randomize