At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
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