ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
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