I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
Randomize
