if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
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