Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
Randomize
