mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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