All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
