Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
this boner is exhausting
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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