My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Randomize
