is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
I need a beard to bite.
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
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