I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
MIDGETS
????
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
and you fell through a lawn chair
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
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