I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
Randomize
