i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
Randomize
