nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
Randomize
