He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
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