On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
Randomize
