i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Randomize
