Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
Randomize
