When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
