Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
Randomize
