I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
Randomize
