Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
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