Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
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