No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
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