I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
We're hate flirting, damnit.
Randomize
