whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
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