Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Randomize
