The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
I think pants incapable of making pants work
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Randomize