My friends, they love my intelligence
I seem to have left my pride at pride
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
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