you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
Are my feet made of real feet?
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Randomize
