In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
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